The second part of our operation took place yesterday. Stealth was critical, speed as well, and our mission was… accomplished. Neighbor = pranked!
On a cloudy and innocent day, in the suburbs outside New York City, the second part of our prank unfolded in broad daylight.
Witnesses were few to none, due in part from the use of camouflage and flares that distracted the target. Blinded by roman candles bursting upon the perimeter of the lawn, our mission ensued.
I made all of that up: no camo or roman candles and the target was likely working in her office two towns away.
But we got her. Oh, did we get her!
Limelight hydrangea stems, when slightly dried from the turning of the season (turn turn turn), are strong enough to hold themselves when embedded into wet dirt. I found they grow very hard if they dry out completely.
But time was not on our side for this mission. After trimming approximately 300 stems from our limelight bushes, I saved a dozen longer ones to mess with our neighbor.
These stems have to be removed, for the record, otherwise, the risk is they will kill the plant during the cold winter months.
Which is quite fitting – pranks are cold but they are ice cold when your mark doesn’t suspect they will get pranked!
So, you can see how I went about this. First, I laid them out, four feet apart. I was short a few so I snagged a few more. My son and I went about jamming them down the length of my neighbor’s driveway. When she returns from work, or her bridge game, or perhaps it’s a relaxing day in the park – BOOM!
And without any evidence, given the stems have been bagged and dropped off at the recycling center, we can deny everything.
Did I mention our neighbor is 80+ years old?
Fortunately, if she gets mad, I can probably outrun her… unless she chases me beyond two blocks, then I’m f*cked. I’m out of shape.
But she is like family and we have her over for dinner or we go out 2x a week. She has played a major role in the life of my son and is a surrogate grandmother of sorts. We love her. That touches on the theme of this blog, which is written for men who may have grown up without a father.
When you can involve a neighbor, cousin, or anyone else that positively impacts the life of your child, embrace him or her.
And then… prank them to death during the Halloween season!
For the record, I emailed her and offered to, “…clean up any untidy weeds, branches, etc.” round her yard in advance of her coming home. She probably thinks I’m being a sweet and loving neighbor.
Not for long! HA HA HA HA HA!
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