Two years into parenthood… Not a single break. Four years in… and still, not one break. At five years, one month and twenty-one days later we finally got our first break from being fulltime parents.
Since the day my son was born, one of us was present for the first five-plus years of his life. And yet, I love my wife more now than I ever have. How she can even tolerate me at this point is beyond my comprehension.
This is not completely unusual. A couple we have befriended from New Zealand, who now resides in New Jersey, are thousands of miles away from their respective families. That’s rough – and they have THREE kids – add that to the equation and these two parents represent superheroes.
But like them, my wife and I have each other. That is a blessing no one should take for granted… ever.
For men who may not have family nearby to help or those whose parents are too elderly to watch a two-year-old, the result is on par with a soldier’s ‘thousand-yard stare.’ It’s a term that was used to describe Vietnam war veterans and their near-death experience from warfare. It is more common for those of us raised by single parents – sometimes local support simply doesn’t exist. For parents in this situation, it’s what I refer to as the ‘thousand-day glare.’
What’s a supportive and loving husband supposed to do in this circumstance? Surprise your wife. It’s the only short-term remedy you can offer to your spouse and it can go a long way.
• Does she love rock and roll? Get a sitter and surprise her with concert tickets.
• Is the spa her thing? Get a daytime sitter and schedule a massage for her, or both of you if that’s your thing. If not, pick her up in a couple of hours and enjoy a meal together.
• Does she love sports? If so, damn you’re lucky! Book the sitter for half a day and go with her to a game.
Make it about her and make sure she is completely in the dark. She’ll love you for it.
Then shag like minks on a hot summer day. Just make sure the kid’s asleep and the babysitter is gone. Otherwise, you’ll give yourself…
The Rookie Father 
I’ve found that pursuing my wife, even in the little things works as well. Taking her out on a date is awesome, but sometimes, it’s the little things that you can do daily that help bring life back into focus. She really appreciates a random text through the day saying you are thinking about her or how you appreciate her. Flowers on a random occasion (other than the required dates) are nice. Bringing home dinner and saying, “Honey, I got the kids tonight, why don’t you go take a bath and just relax” can put a huge deposit in the old emotional bank account. Thanks for the post!
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