Confessions from a Job-Hunting/Quarantining Dad

A Father’s lengthy job hunt dovetailed into the Springtime-Covid quarantine. The result – habits and concerns that do not equate to normal behavior.

At a certain point, after you job hunt for ten months and then spend the next eight working from home, you are hit with a moment of clarity.

You are not the same person you were in May of 2019. By no means have you evolved; actually, you’ve transcended into something else. The moment hit me on Friday night this past weekend: What the hell have I become?

The father of a seven-year-old, devoted husband (who has made great progress on the honey-do list), and someone who will likely be in lock down until the winter thaw… is now a blend of his former bachelor self, coupled with phobias fit for a seventy-year-old.

Here are some observations to share that may relate to your life, and if so, God help you:

What’s That Smell? Me

When the hell did daily showering become optional? When I rationalize how I don’t smell too bad, and I’m going to have to shower after tomorrow’s workout, that’s a bad sign. I can attest to the fact that now, when I do shower, I’m extremely thorough.

Snooze Bar

Our guest room became my home office in March and there’s a king-sized bed in it…

…Well, someone’s got to use it. When the moment strikes, it can take place at any time during the day. Yes, naps happen.

Weather Obsession

It’s one thing to check the forecast once a day, three times is excessive. This is the result of staring out the same window for eight months and not trusting what your app tells you. What’s going on out there… was it supposed to rain? Am I crazy? No, that nerd managing the weather app is off his rocker!

I fear the day when snow is in the forecast. I will thereafter be on par (mentally) with my seven-year-old and giddy with excitement.

Extended Errands

When you leave the house for the first time in three days, and find yourself alone… in your car… listening to YOUR music, why rush things? The fact I drove two counties away for a loaf of bread and a few potatoes… it doesn’t seem that strange nowadays. That’s because, now… I am.

Friendly Goodbyes

At the end of your zoom business call, whether it’s your fifth or your tenth that day, everyone smiles and waves goodbye. It was so nice to connect! The fact is, everyone is smiling because their next option is either to – A) nap; or B) steal their kid’s Halloween candy.

Lawn Alert!

That white thing, that filth on my lawn that would sit idle for a week never bothered me when I came home from work pre-Covid. Someone would eventually mow it up. Now… what a disgrace! Who tarnished my carpet of grassy-green perfection! Off with their heads! The item is removed within twenty-four hours, and too much thought is given to the perpetrator at large.

The ‘Ah-Ha!’ Moment

Inspiration comes!  And then… sadly goes. An early morning rise provided me with two uninterrupted hours to start a screenplay. Well, that was nine days ago, and that’s as far as I got. I’ll remember that moment of ‘Eureka!’ again when I find some strangely-worded file on my hard drive 18 months from now.

Neighborhood Concerns

When I started spending 800 hours a week in my house, my neighbor’s unkept yard seemed… worse. There it was, like a bump on a log, in dire need of some hedge trimming. Now, when I gaze upon their post-apoplectic front yard, my very bones loathe them. I seethe with venom! Thus proving that I’m way past the point of needing therapy.

The fact is that over the past 18 months, I resemble a character in one of those Progressive Insurance commercials. I’ve officially turned me into my parents.