There’s a special place in hell for moms and dads that break, ‘the code,’ i.e. sharing gossip across gender lines. There’s a name for this kind of person, and that is… the Mole Rat.
There’s a time-honored tradition that goes back to the Neanderthal days and it will continue until an airborne ebola pandemic wipes out humanity. That is… when parents of the same gender gather to chat, they inevitably share gossip about their spouses.
Ancient scribes, who were all men, did this ad nauseam in Mesopotamia and their work can be found near the Persian Gulf in Iran. Female poets from the same time period bitched about their husbands on sandstone tablets. Going there today may result in the Ayatollah arresting you for spying so you’ll have to take my word for it.
There is an unspoken code, and that is to NEVER relay shared gossip between the genders. Men can complain all they want about their never ending honey-do list. Women can ding their husbands’ over-inflated egos at will, sans any remorse, and take pleasure in making their fellow mothers laugh.
When an errant stay-at-home dad goes out with the ladies and relays gossip to his fellow dads, or a mom who hangs out with dads and then emasculates one or all of them to her girlfriends, those represent examples of breaking ‘the code.’
Thus, they should forever be identified as a Mole Rate, trusted by no one and if a pie of shaving cream is handy, it should be applied with vigor to this person’s face.
The reason for this is, like a rat in the mafia or a mole spying in a foreign country, certain kinds of information should NEVER pass between the genders. Call it the bro code for dads or delicate female etiquette for moms, each gender has permission to trash their better halves at will.
Wondering why the Mole Rate is so fitting for this kind of character? I know you’re asking yourself this question. Mole Rates love to dig in the earth for food, and they’re blind. If you love sharing gossip, it’s on par with scrounging through the earth for juicy soundbites (no pun intended) and the human version of this animal is blind to the consequences.
Those consequences result in extremely awkward conversations when spouses reunite later in the day. It’s a shit show on the back end when the bro code is broken and all a guy wants to do is get the kids to bed, chill out or get laid. Well… the dad/dude ain’t gettin’ laid when the bro code gets broken and there’s no chillin’ when he has to explain why someone leaked dad gossip to all the mothers in town!
There’s only one single exception to this rule – you have to be an outstanding comedian who can get EVERYONE laughing about the opposite gender. Rodney Dangerfield is the perfect example, as seen in the video below…
… but, let’s face it, you’re not Rodney-Dangerfield funny and reciprocally, you need a lot more material to resemble someone like Amy Schumer.
Don’t break the code.
DISCLAIMER: The author’s wife is perfect, so he’s indemnified for writing this article.